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never know what to do with my hands when I’m standing around at a party or business function, and I’m all too aware of when people around me fidget with paper clips or pens during a meeting or even at the kitchen table.

Hand motions can easily send the wrong message in business and personal interactions, says business communications expert Barbara Pachter. She tells about the unfortunate speaker who kept beating his leg with his pointer, distracting his audience throughout his entire presentation. Another man pounded on the table when he asked a question of a high-ranking executive (the employee was fired a week later).

Barbara is president of Pachter & Associates, a communications training firm based in Cherry Hill, New Jersey (www.pachter.com), and author of several books, includingWhen the Little Things Count... and They Always Count: 601 Essential Things That Everyone in Business Needs to Know. She notes that for better or worse, people tend to believe body language over words. Among the most common gestures and unintended messages...

Finger-pointing,  like pounding the table, is considered an act of aggression. Barbara says that people often have no idea just how aggressive the gesture can seem -- and how often it invites an aggressive response.

Leaning back with both hands behind your head during a conversation may be perceived as arrogant. Wringing your hands can be interpreted as a sign of discomfort.

Hands on your hips can be seen as either arrogance or aggression.

Jiggling coins, twisting your hair, tapping your feet and the like communicate nervousness -- not something you want to do during negotiations, interviews or even conversations with family members or friends. These habits also can be very distracting to others.

Crossing your arms can be perceived as defensiveness. Like many of Barbara’s female clients, I tend to cross my arms and hug my hands to my body. Sometimes I do it because I’m feeling cold -- and sometimes simply because I feel more comfortable that way. But, according to Barbara, the perception of defensiveness is reality.

To find out which gestures are getting in your way, Barbara suggests asking for feedback from colleagues or friends -- or having someone tape you during a conversation or while rehearsing a speech. Once you know what you are doing wrong, you will be able to start catching yourself right after you do it -- and, in time, you’ll be able to prevent it.

Hand motions aren’t all bad, of course. They help emphasize key points -- as President Truman did with his famous "chopping wood" gesture (he moved his hands up and down with the palms facing one another). They communicate emotions and enliven conversations and presentations. When Barbara teaches presentation skills, she urges clients to vary their gestures instead of using the same ones over and over again. Other guidelines...

Keep gestures above the waist -- to convey strength and confidence.

Don’t invade other people’s personal space. Keep your hands within your own space. If your gestures are too close to another person, they can be perceived as aggressive.

When someone is talking, keep your hands still, in your lap or by your sides.

When you’re speaking, keep your hands motionless some of the time. This is very difficult for me to do -- friends say that I wouldn’t be able to talk if I couldn’t move my hands. Then again, I’m in great company. Barbara tells me that people said the same thing about President Truman.