The US government has a website,
http://www.ready.gov. It's
another attempt at scare mongering in the style of
the old "duck and cover" advice after WWII.
The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could
mean anything! Here are a few interpretations below.
Enjoy! |
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If you have set yourself on fire, do not run. |
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| If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism
whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really
loud. |
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| If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall
with your shoulder. |
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If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about
it instead of seeing a doctor. |
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| Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of
you! |
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| To eliminate smallpox, wash with soap, water and at
least one(1) armless hand under a faucet with no
sink. |
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Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal
with scary eyes, run away now. |
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| People, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol are
all at risk of being sucked into the time-tunnel
vortex. |
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Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also,
they tend to rub their hands together
manically. |
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If a door is closed, karate chop it
open.
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If your building collapses, climb under your table and practice
yoga postures. |
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| Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible
with your groin region. The current world record is 5 minutes, 12
seconds. |
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| After exposure to radiation it is important to
consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch
your head. |
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| If you've become a radiation mutant with a
deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see
that. |
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| If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or
Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like
hell. |
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| Your respiratory and digestive systems are optional.
Cast them aside if you feel you no longer need
them. |
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If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not
farting. |
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Survive a biohazard attack by first standing, then begging on your
knees, then rolling over and playing dead. |
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| Do not drive a station wagon if a utility pole is
protruding from the hood. |
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A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection
against radiation. |
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No pyromaniacs admitted. |
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A quick family snapshot in front of the latest scene of a terrorist
attack may became a treasured family keepsake that will preserve
precious memories for years to come. |
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| That closet door in your bedroom leads to the gates of
Hell. Don't go there. |
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| The middle of a terrorist attack is not an appropriate
time to catch up on your reading or paperwork. |
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| If you see colors in the sky, grasp your throat and
pretend to choke yourself. Girls go for that. |
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| If your intended destination is suddenly vaporized,
consider pulling over and watching the cool light
show. |
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| If the weather is overcast with dark skies, look for
worms in the grass. |
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| After all life is gone, modern appliances will
continue to run forever. Think about it. |
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| Your telephone may be a practicing physician. Look for
a phone with no numbers on it. |
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| "Wash your hands" of traditional long distance
telephone providers. |
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| Only the coolest irradiated citizens will be allowed
into the 'underground' rave in the shelter. |
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| In case of emergency, the parking brake may be used as
an adult novelty item. |
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In time of war, real Americans eat red meat only! No wimpy fish or
poultry, please. |
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| There is a reason you failed
chemistry |
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| Watch out for people who come out of white tents and
try to steal the shirt off your back. |
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| If you are trapped with no hope of being found, amuse
yourself in your final moments with shadow puppets.
a!ǫĈ選ƍ˰ |
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Radioactive materials come in 4 convenient sizes:
- individual dose
- family value size
- neighborhood spray pump size
- supersize! |
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| Satellite photos of Texas show the large embarrassing
radioactive crop circle in Southeast Texas. |
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| When the looting begins remember to consider the
weight/value ratio. Here we have a few examples of high value, low
effort. |