Friends slip from our lives. Relatives can drift away, too.
Branches break off the family tree, and adoptions separate family
members.
Most people know to do a Google search or to check Facebook to
find people.Here, other ways...
SEARCH THE OBITS FOR LIVE PEOPLE
Search the obituaries for relatives of the person you are
looking for. Obituaries typically include a list of the deceased’s
surviving relatives complete with their current hometowns. If you
know where your missing person’s family lived, find out if that
town’s local newspaper has a searchable archive on its Web site. If
not, contact the newspaper or the town’s library and ask if there’s
some other way to search the newspaper’s archive. If so, search the
archive for obits featuring your missing person’s last name (or
maiden name, if appropriate), then check whether these obituaries
mention your friend’s name and hometown in the list of surviving
relatives.
If the local newspaper doesn’t have a searchable database -- or
you’re not sure where the missing person’s family lived and died --
use the Social Security Death Index (SSDI) to locate times and
places of death for relatives. (This also can help you determine if
the person you are looking for has died.) Then scan the obituary
section of relevant newspapers, focusing on the papers that came
out in the day or two following these deaths. Limited free access
to the SSDI is available throughwww.RootsWeb.com (click on
"Social Security Death Index") andwww.GenealogyBank.com (click
on "Social Security Death Index"), among other Web sites.
SOLICIT FREE HELP
You may be able to get free help from amateur genealogists.
Genealogy is among the fastest-growing hobbies in the US. Many
amateur genealogists love solving mysteries involving heritage,
missing family members and other long-lost individuals.
To start, visit the free Web site RootsWeb.com and post a note
on the message board explaining your search and asking for guidance
or assistance. Provide the name of the person you are trying to
find, where and approximately when this person was born and any
additional details that you have about this person’s relatives and
places of residence. An amateur genealogist might take up the
search for fun.
You will have to register with RootsWeb.com to post a message,
but registration is free. This Web site is international and is
particularly useful when missing people live outside the US.
CHECK ORGANIZATIONS
Reach out to relevant organizations. If you know where the
person you’re trying to find once worked, perhaps he/she still
works there. Check whether his name is listed on the company’s Web
site... or call the company’s switchboard, and ask for the
person.
You also can contact organizations related to this person’s line
of work and ask if this person is a member... and contact the
alumni association of schools he attended. If any organization is
unwilling to share contact information for privacy reasons, ask if
it can forward a note to this person for you.
SPECIAL SEARCH SITUATIONS
Adoptees/birth
parents. Locating birth parents or children given up
for adoption is especially difficult because neither parent nor
child is likely to know the other’s name. Laws usually bar adoption
agencies and government officials from supplying this information.
Without a name, conventional search techniques are useless.
It is best to sign up for free adoptee registries, such as
my TroysList.org and
International Soundex Reunion Registry (http://isrr.net), a nonprofit
organization. These Web sites match birth parent and adoptee if
both sign up.
Warning: Be wary of adoptee
registries that charge fees. Most deliver less than promised --
some are scams.
Helpful: The US Department of
Health and Human Services provides details about each state’s
adoption records access laws on its Web site, www.ChildWelfare.gov(select "State
Statutes Search," then choose the state where the adoption
occurred and "Access to Adoption Records"). Many states let
adoptees and birth parents petition in court for the disclosure
of "identifying information" about their parents or children --
but this information usually is supplied only if the birth
parent or adoptee already has filed a written consent form with
the state to allow disclosure. (Adoptees generally are allowed
to file consent forms only after they reach age 18 or 21.) In
some states, the court also is allowed to select an intermediary
to contact the birth parents or adoptee and request their
permission to share the information if a consent form has not
been filed.
Military
buddies. Military service records are not open to the
general public, which can make it difficult to track military
acquaintances. The best way to find former friends from the armed
forces -- if other methods, including a Facebook search, fail -- is
through private military registries and reunion associations
started by former servicemen. Google the division or unit’s name
along with the word "association" or "registry." (If you served
during wartime, also check the SSDI, in case your friend died in
battle.)
Women who might have
married or divorced. It can be difficult to track
down women when their last names change. One way is to search for
one of the woman’s male relatives, then ask this relative how you
can reach her. Another option is to Google "vital records" and the
name of the state where the woman lives or once lived. Among the
listings should be a state government Web site with a Web address
ending ".gov". This Web site should let you search for any
marriages and divorces involving this woman that occurred in that
state.
People with very
common names. There are too many Jennifer Smiths and
Robert Millers to find the one you want through the usual
techniques -- especially if you don’t know the middle name or
hometown. Search for a less conventionally named relative
instead.
Example: You remember that your
friend John Smith had a brother named Caleb... or that his mother’s
maiden name was Hefferman. If you locate a relative, this person
probably knows where to find John or where to find another family
member who does.
MAKING CONTACT
Handle the initial contact wisely. What you say or write will
have a significant effect on whether this person is happy to hear
from you...
Calmly explain who you
are and how you know each other. Do not assume that
this person remembers you -- it often takes time for people to
rewind through the years and recall past relationships, even
relationships that once were quite close. If first contact is made
on the phone, continue explaining how you know each other until you
receive a strong signal of recollection.
Example: "Oh, sure. Wow. How are
you?"
Do not immediately press for an in-person meeting. Explain that
you were wondering what became of this person... or if it’s a
relative, that you are putting together a family tree.
If the person you are
reconnecting with is a former flame -- or anyone else
of the opposite gender who is not a relative -- consider asking a
friend of that gender to make the initial contact. This reduces the
risk that tracking this person down will be seen as creepy... and
it avoids creating trouble if this person is married and his/her
spouse answers the phone or sees your e-mail.