Employee of the month is a good example of how someone can be both
a winner and a loser at the same time
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Word to the wise: never get in line at the bank behind someone
wearing a balaclava.
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A friend is someone you can call to help you move. A best friend
is someone you can call to help you move a body.
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Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not
putting it in a fruit salad.
Q.
Why don't they have Christmas at Trinity?
A. They can't find a virgin and three wise men.
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at Trinity?
A. With a restraining order.
A
severe storm rumbled through Carlow last week and destroyed
the entire town: $10 worth of damage was reported.
Q.
What do you get when you drive quickly through the Carlow
campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.
Q. What's the first thing a Trinity girl does when she wakes up in
the morning?
A. Walks home.
Q. How can you tell if a Trinity student is heterosexual?
A. He can outrun his roommate!
Q. What does a IT student call a D.C.U student after
graduation?
A. Boss.
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Carlow?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q. Did you hear that the library at Trinity burned down?
A. Naturally, the students were very upset....some of the books
weren't colored-in yet.
Q. Why do Trinity graduates put a copy of their diploma in the
window of their vehicles?
A. So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q. How do you get a IT grad off your front porch?
A. Pay him for the pizza.
Q. What do tornadoes and graduates from IT's have in common?
A. They both end up in trailer parks.
STUDENTS CHANGE LIGHTBULB
How
many Athlone IT students does it take to change a
lightbulb?
None - Westmeath looks better in the dark.
How
many Trinity students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One - he holds the bulb and the world revolves around
him
How
many UL students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three - One to change it and two to figure out how to get high
off the old one.
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Short Jokes:
His wife had been killed in an
accident and the police were questioning Finnegan. "Did she say
anything before she died?" asked the sergeant. "She spoke without
interruption for about forty years," said Finnegan.
An IRA man shows up at the pearly gates and St. Peter comes out to
greet him. St. Peter takes one look and says "I don't think you can
get in here.The IRA man says"Who wants in? You've twenty minutes to
get the *#!@ out!
"Why do you Irish always answer a question with a question?" asked
President Franklin D. Roosevelt. "Do we now?" came New York Mayor
Al Smith's reply.
Seamus do you understand French, I do if its spoken in Irish.
Two Irishmen had just won $5000,000 in a lottery. Having a pint in
a pub Tim say to Sean, what about all them beggin letters, Sean
replies, we'll just keep sending them.
What have Irishmen and Jesus Christ got in common?
The both lived with their mother until they were 33 and neither had
a job.
How do we know that Christ was Irish?
Because he was 33 still lived at home thought his mother was a
virgin and she thought he was the son of God.
Paddy was rather sad after viewing the body of a dead atheist.
"There he was. All dressed up and no place to go."
Paddy was walking through a graveyard when de came across a
headstone with the inscription "Here lies a politician and an
honest man."
"Faith now," exclaimed Paddy, "I wonder how they got the two of
them in one grave."
Seamus was getting irate and shouted upstairs to his wife," Hurry
up or we'll be late."
"Oh, be quiet," replied his wife. "Haven't I been telling you for
the last hour that I'll be ready in a minute?"
Two lawyers standing before an Irish judge got into a fierce
argument.
At last one lawyer lost his temper and shouted, "Sir you are the
biggest fool that I have set eyes on."
"Order, order," said the Irish judge. "You seem to forget that I
am in the room."
Incomprehensibly, the last coach of the train on a normal route
kept getting smashed up by vandals. A porter came up with an
idea.
"Why don't we leave the last coach off!"
"Well, Mike," said the doctor. "I can't quite diagnose your case. I
think it must be the drink."
"Sure, that's all right, doctor," said Mike. "I know how you feel.
I'll come back when you're sober."
She followed her husband to the public house. "How can you come
here," she said, taking a sip of his pint of Guinness, "and drink
that awful stuff?"
"Now!" he cried, "And you always said I was out enjoying
meself."
Why does it take five Irishmen to change a lightbulb?
One to change the bulb. Four to remark about how grand the old bulb
was.
"I hear Murphy died, " said Pat. "Was he ill long?"
"No," said Mick. "He died in the best of health."
First Irish Farmer: "My cow fell down a hole and I had to shoot
it."
Second Irish Farmer: "Did you shoot it in the hole?"
First Irish Farmer: " No, in the head."
O'Connell was staggering home with a small Paddy in his back pocket
when he
slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something
wet running
down his leg.
"Please, God," he implored, "let it be
blood!" |