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If "PETV is People for Ethical Treatment of Vegetables" is not shown property. Visit the source link above.
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Don't eat anything without a
face...
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If god didn't want people to eat
animals, why did he make them out of meat? |
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-July 07,2004-Research
scientists at Oxnard UNC Medical Center have proven that plants,
including vegetables, feel pain when subjected to trauma such as
being yanked out of the ground, peeled, cooked, and eaten. "Veggies
and plants initiate a massive hormone and chemical barrage
internally when they suffer any kind of injury," says professor
Harry Simeon. "This response is akin to the nerve response and
endorphin release when an animal is injured. We cannot ignore the
similarities." When Baker asked professor Simeon and his research
team what they thought this finding might mean, they responded
unanimously, "Nobel prize, baby!"
Other agencies and the sum total of the world's hard-core
vegetarians (known as vegans) registered formal complaints against
the research. Their team of lawyers has already submitted a motion
to have the results of the research destroyed or sealed. Others
fear the damage has already been done. A spokesman said, "This is
bad for us. Most of our members haven't eaten anything since
hearing about the results. Our lawyers are looking into suing
Mother Earth for false advertising, but concede that the suit will
probably be inconclusive. In the meantime we'll be surviving on
vitamin supplements and water."
In an ironic related story, a dozen protesters picketing the Hungry
Carnivore Steak House in Dallas were allegedly assaulted by three
patrons of the restaurant. Eyewitnesses say that the picketers were
making their typical nuisance display of scorn and righteous
indignation over the willful consumption of "the flesh of murdered
animals" outside the Hungry Carnivore when two unidentified men and
a woman stepped out of the establishment and sprayed the picketers
with several gallons of what appeared to be blood. Victims and
bystanders alike were surprised to discover that the liquid was
actually V-8 juice. The truly shocking result of the alleged attack
was the reaction of the picketers. All of the protesters were
wracked with convulsions and suffered hours of dry heaves while
many of the bystanders merely laughed. This reaction within
vegetarianism's great bastion of faith has many true believers
reconsidering their dietary requirements. Others are quietly making
funeral arrangements and the Environmental Protection Agency is
considering declaring vegans an endangered
species. |
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