So, I'm in L.A. for the weekend, and I just got
back from touring the single most amazing place I have ever
been: the Michael
Jackson auction collection at the Beverly Hilton. AND MY LIFE
WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. |
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Michael Jackson—in case you hadn't
heard—accidentally got super destitute because he spent all of his
money on flying carpets and gold-plated robot butlers, so he
decided to auction off all his shit to raise a bunch of millions of
dollars. (Or something. Please do not quote me on the details.)
Except then he changed his mind and asked
for the stuff back, so now there's NOT going to be an auction
(boooo!), but that's not really important. What's important is that
I still got to go and LOOK AT ALL THE STUFF. |
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Touring the Michael
Jackson auction collection is exactly like touring the inside of
MJ's baroque,
gold-plated crazybrain. Turns out, the inside of MJ's
baroque, gold-plated crazybrain is the most fun and wondrous place
you've ever been. It's also suuuper depressing!
It's the kind of
place where it's impossible to decide what to take a picture of.
IMPOSSIBLE! Everything is fucked up AND totally fucked. The
weirdest revelation of the day was MJ's apparent obsession with
lifesize wax figures of elderly white people in folksy poses and
varying bonnets. The Creepiest Piece of Furniture Award goes to
"child-size chaise lounge" (for child-size reclining nude?). But
the overall Best Shit Ever is CLEARLY the vast collection of
MJ-themed art, for which words do not
suffice. |
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A Child's Garden of
Alleged Bad Touching |
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Something about this
dirty mat made me sad. |
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California Raisin
collection. |
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DEAR GOD WHY WAS THE
AUCTION CANCELED!? |
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As far as I can
tell, this one involves Peter Pan and MJ watching in horror/furtive
pleasure as the Three Stooges, Kermit the Frog, the ghost of Walt
Disney, and Shirley Temple all conspire to rape Charlie
Chaplin. |
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Edward's actual
Scissorhands. |
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Original paintings
by Michael Jackson (top) and Macaulay Culkin
(bottom) |
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See this chef guy?
There were ten more like him in different outfits just lounging on
the furniture all over the place. And some of them were ladies. Did
MJ always dream of having whimsical white
grandparents? |
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"I'm a
multidimensional creature..." |
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