How to Be Happy When You Have Every Reason Not to Be
Scott Hamilton
Figure skater Scott Hamilton, who won a gold medal in the
1984 Winter Olympics, has had to endure more than his share of
tough times.
A childhood digestive disease, never properly diagnosed,
permanently stunted Hamilton’s growth and nearly killed him. His
mother died of cancer while he was in his teens. Hamilton was
dropped by the Ice Capades just two years after his Olympic win,
putting his professional skating career in doubt. He battled
testicular cancer in 1997 and a brain tumor (benign) in
2004.
Hamilton once lived in fear of the problems that seemed to lurk
around every corner, but now he remains happy and optimistic even
during difficult times. Here are his secrets for happiness in a
very imperfect world...
Consider all problems temporary... and
temporary problems unimportant. As a skater, I knew that I would
fall when I tried to learn a new jump. I also knew that these falls
were irrelevant as long as I got up after each one and tried
again.
I try to apply this lesson to my life off the ice as well. I might
have a problem right now, but "right now" is just a moment in time
that soon will be gone forever... and my "problem" really is just
the starting point of a journey that will lead to a solution to my
problem. Why let a starting point affect my mood? What matters is
where I end up, and that’s going to be somewhere better.
It might take me a while to solve my problem, but I will start to
feel better as soon as I begin working toward a solution. I find
tremendous joy in tackling my problems. It breaks the "victim
mentality" -- a sure path to unhappiness -- and puts me back in
control of my life.
Don’t face problems alone. Men’s figure
skating is a solo sport, but I still needed a coach to get the most
out of my abilities. Life often seems like a solo sport, too, but
finding a coach -- a spouse or a friend with whom we can share our
problems -- will make our attempts to solve those problems more
enjoyable and more successful. Humans are social animals, as my
coach, Don Laws, used to remind me. We’re not designed to face
problems alone, so we shouldn’t try to do so.
Find strength in challenges. My mother’s
struggle with breast cancer taught me that there are positive
aspects to even the most devastating losses. For three years, my
mother continued to earn a living... work toward her master’s
degree... and raise three children, even as she endured
chemotherapy.
As awful as it was when she died at age 49, the lessons I learned
from her strength in the face of the challenges were the most
important lessons of my life. I had been an underachiever as a boy,
but following her example transformed me into an Olympic
champion.
We cannot completely control the events of our lives, but we can
control how we respond to them. It’s this that defines us. I choose
to be happy about the wonderful example my mother set for me in
those final years, not sad about her death.
Don’t delay difficult conversations. My first
inclination when someone does something that bothers me is to bite
my lip and remain quietly unhappy. Over the years, I have learned
that stoicism only prolongs my displeasure. As much as I dislike
confrontations, they often are the quickest path back to
happiness.
Example: My agent, Bob Kain, no
longer had much time for me by the early 1990s. He had added new
clients and taken on a management role in his firm. My career was
suffering -- but for years, I said nothing. I didn’t want to damage
my relationship with Bob. Instead, I let my resentment build until
our relationship was almost irreparably harmed. After I finally
spoke up, we found a solution -- a different agent at the company
would handle the details of my career while Bob served as adviser.
I could have avoided years of unhappiness if I had just voiced my
displeasure sooner.
Sell your smile... even to yourself. I once
saw Olympic gold medalist Kristi Yamaguchi miss her landing on a
triple lutz and fall hard on her back in front of a large crowd.
She must have been in pain -- not to mention disappointed and
embarrassed -- but she immediately bounced back up with a huge
smile on her face. The remainder of her routine was
flawless.
The crowd gave Kristi a big ovation. Her smile had convinced them
that the fall didn’t matter -- everything was okay.
Kristi’s smile also convinced Kristi herself that everything was
okay. It’s easy to lose confidence and feel bad when we "fall."
Smiling or laughing releasesendorphins, hormones that
trigger feelings of happiness and well-being. In other words, we
don’t have to wait until we are happy to smile -- we can use a
smile to make ourselves happy.
I put this lesson to use in my own life by searching for the humor
in my darkest moments. If I can laugh at myself, my problems seem
less daunting.
Example: I was scheduled to skate in
Peoria, Illinois, just hours after I learned that I had testicular
cancer. I feared that this could be the last performance of my
life, and I desperately wanted to do well -- but my mind was on my
cancer, not my skating. Suddenly I noticed a woman in the front row
ignoring my routine entirely and casually applying makeup. It made
me chuckle to think that this performance that was so important to
me was so meaningless to her. My mood immediately lightened, and I
was able to get through the rest of the routine.
Fight for change. The world changes. We
change. It’s inevitable. The only way to remain happy is to embrace
change and enjoy it. We need to take pleasure in meeting new
challenges and take pleasure in the surprises that lie around every
corner. The changes that we fear often make our lives much better
in the end.
Example: When the Ice Capades didn’t
renew my contract, I feared that my professional skating career was
over. As it turned out, getting fired led to one of the greatest
successes of my life. My agent, Bob Kain, and I started a rival
skating tour, Stars on Ice, that is still going strong and earning
money today -- while the Ice Capades folded years ago.