Recent scientific studies and scholarly research have
reached some startling conclusions about what makes people happy.
To help understand how you can use this information, we spoke to
Harvard lecturer and best-selling author Tal Ben-Shahar,
PhD.
Each semester, more than 800 Harvard students register for his
life-changing class on positive psychology. Students explore the
question
How can we help ourselves and others to become
happier? The students read academic journal articles,
test ideas, share personal stories and, by the end of the year,
emerge with a clearer understanding of what psychology can teach us
about leading happier, more fulfilling lives.
Is a person just “born happy” or “born
unhappy”?
There is a genetic component to happiness. Some people are born
with a happier disposition than others or with personality traits
that are strong predictors of happiness, such as being sociable,
active, stable and calm.
However, that doesn’t mean how happy we feel is out of our control.
Our genes define a range, not a set point. “Grumpy” may not be able
to cultivate the same view of life that “Happy” enjoys. A
natural-born whiner may not be able to transform himself/herself
into a Pollyanna. But we all can become significantly happier. Most
people fall far short of their happiness potential.
Your research suggests that money and success
matter little in terms of happiness. Yet
wouldn’t most people be happier if they won $5 million or a
Nobel Prize?
This is a concept that my students and our society in general
struggle with. Happiness largely depends on our state of mind, not
on our status or the state of our bank account. It depends on what
we choose to focus on (the full or the empty part of the glass) and
on our interpretation of external events. For example, do we view
failure as catastrophic, or do we see it as a learning
opportunity?
One of the most common barriers to happiness is the false
expectation that one thing -- a promotion at work, a prize, a
revelation -- will bring us eternal bliss. As soon as you achieve
your goal, the “what’s next” syndrome kicks in, leaving you as
unfulfilled as before.
Let me tell you a personal story. When I was 16 years old, I won
the Israeli National Squash Championship. I always believed that
winning the title would make me happy and alleviate the emptiness I
felt so much of the time. Winning the championship was necessary
for fulfillment. Fulfillment was necessary for happiness. That was
the logic I operated under.
After a night of celebration, I retired to my room to savor that
feeling of supreme happiness. But my feelings of emptiness
returned. I sat around trying to convince myself that perhaps
substituting a new goal -- winning the World Championship -- would
finally lead me to happiness.
What I came to realize was that a major victory can contribute to
our well-being, but at best, it forms a small part of the mosaic of
a happy life. The fairy-tale notion of happiness -- that something
will carry us to the happily ever after -- inevitably leads to
disappointment. A happy life is rarely shaped by some extraordinary
life-changing event. Rather, it is shaped incrementally, experience
by experience, moment by moment.
So what does make us happy?
We must first accept that this is it! All there is to life is the
day-to-day, the ordinary, the details of the mosaic. We are living
a happy life when we derive pleasure and meaning while spending
time with our loved ones or learning something new. The more our
days are filled with these experiences, the happier we
become.
The other significant component of happiness is that helping
oneself and helping others are inextricably intertwined. The more
we help others, the happier we become... and the happier we become,
the more inclined we are to help others. Our nature is such that
there are few more satisfying acts than sharing with others, than
feeling that we contributed to the lives of others.
What else can people do to be
happy?
There are several things you can start right away...
Simplify. We are too busy trying to
squeeze more and more activities into less and less time.
Quantity influences quality, and we compromise on our
happiness by trying to do too much.
Introduce rituals into your life that are
motivated by deeply held values. Think about what rituals
would make you happier. It could be watching two movies a
month or going on a date with your spouse every Tuesday.
People are resistant to the idea of introducing ritualistic
behavior in their lives because they think it will detract
from spontaneity. But if you don’t ritualize activities you
cherish, you often don’t get to them.
Learn to appreciate and savor the
wonderful things in life, rather than taking them for granted.
One of the best ways to do this is by keeping a daily
gratitude journal. Each night, before you go to sleep, write
down at least five things that made or make you happy. These
can be little or big -- from a meal you enjoyed to a
meaningful conversation you had with a friend, from a project
at work, to God.
What if a person is going through a really hard
time in his life -- for example, he dislikes his job, but
there’s nothing he can do about it right away. How can that
person be happier?
We all must endure periods, sometimes extended ones, in which much
of what we do affords us minimal satisfaction. During those times,
it’s important to see these periods with a broader perspective and
find ways to imbue them with meaning.
In a fascinating study of hospital janitors, one group experienced
their work as boring and meaningless, but the other group perceived
the same work as engaging and meaningful because they crafted their
work in creative ways. They interacted more with nurses and
patients, and they saw their work not merely as removing the
garbage and washing dirty linen but contributing to the patients’
well-being and the smooth functioning of the hospital.
When changing your perception isn’t feasible or effective, I find
that one or two happy experiences during an otherwise uninspiring
period can transform our general state. These brief but
transforming experiences, which I call “happiness boosters” provide
us with meaning and pleasure.
For example, I met a partner in a top consulting firm. Now in his
50s, he no longer enjoys consulting, but at the same time, he
doesn’t want to leave his profession or give up the lifestyle that
he and his family have grown accustomed to. He was able to reduce
his workload enough to spend two evenings each week with his
family. He also plays tennis twice a week and reads for three
hours. He joined the board of his former high school, where he
feels he can contribute in a meaningful way to the next generation.
In an ideal world, he would be spending his working hours doing
something he is passionate about, but he is still happier than he
has been in a long time.