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PROBLEM: Friends choose high-end restaurants for get-togethers, forcing you to split exorbitant tabs that you are not comfortable paying.

What to do: The first time this problem occurs, pay your share even if the bill is much more than you expected. After all, when you agreed to go out to dinner, you tacitly agreed to pay your share. But before the next meal, politely explain that you prefer to spend, say, $60 per couple when you eat out, not $150. If less expensive meals do not interest your friends, find things to do together that don’t cost as much, such as going for a hike or to a movie.

PROBLEM: Your friends like to order fine wine, doubling the cost of eating out with them.

What to do: It is perfectly reasonable to tell your friends that expensive wine is not in your budget. If these friends insist on pricey wine with dinner, tell them that you will supply a home-cooked meal at your place and they can supply the 1970 Mouton Rothschild.

PROBLEM: Wealthy friends or relatives offer to pay more than their share.You wonder if letting a well-heeled friend or relative pick up the tab when you eat out or pay your way on a joint vacation will damage the relationship.

What to do: There is nothing wrong with accepting the occasional lavish gift from a well-off friend or relative. Accept the gift graciously, but be certain to reciprocate. The reciprocation needn’t be comparably expensive, and may even be in the form of a service -- babysitting, say, or helping with a computer.

Only if you allow the other person to systematically pick up the tab is there a problem.

PROBLEM: Some members of a group order expensive meals but want to divide the check evenly. According to a survey we conducted, one-third of the public believes that when friends go out to dinner, someone always is unhappy with the way the check is divided.

What to do: If a friend or relative does not offer to pay his/her fair share, don’t just grin and bear it. Take a moment to look over the check, do the math, and propose an equitable distribution.

Example of what to say: “Let’s see. It looks like your share is $75 and ours is $50. Does that sound right?”

If events get away from you and the bill has already been split by someone else in an unfair way, it’s reasonable for you to propose splitting it more fairly. This might seem pushy, but you have nothing to be embarrassed about -- the other person does.

Example: Six members of your group order $12 pasta dishes, while the other two choose $22 steaks. The meat eaters should at least offer to pay extra. If they fail to do so, say in a friendly tone, “OK, you carnivores. You owe an extra 10 bucks to cover those steaks.”

PROBLEM: You picked up the check the last time. Now you’re out with the same couple, the bill has arrived, and they’re not reaching for it.

What to do: Don’t be a pushover. Push the check their way, smile warmly and in a completely nonjudgmental and nonaccusatory tone say, “I think this one’s yours.”